Had a very difficult week. Medical examination which was , lost the legal battle, more bureaucracy (I now have a daughter- that's a whole new incredible story to add to the files), and feeling low. Old symptoms rear their ugly heads, and I basically feel like I'm in a pit I'll never get out of. I'm so tired I am on the verge of tears constantly. Of course, in the bigger picture I AM doing better, and I should keep my expectations low, but it's just hard. So basically today was self-pity day. Tomorrow is a new day. Let's hope it brings sunshine.

B tells me there will be a pay-back day in the future. I am not going through all this for nothing.

I don't know. I just want to get well again. It's difficult to live on an empty tank.

It's unbelievable. The moment the legal stuff is done and dealt with the next obstacle appears: another medical examination, to establish whether I am still considered disabled.... This system is a full-time job, and I wish there were an easy exit. If there were, I would be out of here in 5 seconds. Why don't they just LEAVE ME ALONE? Why do I have 10 people monitoring me, who KNOW I am not well, but still have to go through all the motions, so 10 more people can make life difficult for me? It's a nightmare this stupid system, I tell you.

Sometimes I am thinking I should ask everyone I know to donate a small amount monthly, to support me, so at least I can get out of the freakin system. But well, it's a lot to ask. Though I would be in a lot better hands.

Not much time to write, because I am busy over here: http://amberjanecomments.wordpress.com

I am very happy with the site, and I'm trying out my commentary skills. It's fun!

Pretty happy days here- my energy is relatively steady, which means I get to write a bit in the morning, do yoga in the afternoon and cook a delicious meal in the evening! I know for most people it isn't much, but it is more than I have been able to do in years and I am HAPPY.

I notice I have already used the word happy three times, in four sentences, so yes that sum sit up.

And please, spread the news on my new site if you like what I wrote (if anyone reads here anymore ). It's in Dutch so that's a catch.

Off to painting class...